Thursday, 28 January 2010

Tour Tales Numero Un.

Ok, so we've been on the road with the Arctic Monkeys all of two days. The first night took us to Milan (our first gig in Italia) and it was pleasant to be received so warmly. Now we are in Grenoble....which is where i always assumed a huge nuclear catastrophe had occurred, but as a local kindly pointed out, that was Chernoble. It's always a little frightening stepping onto a big tour, where you're a very small cog in a gigantic touring machine, but despite fears of turf wars between crew members and band rivalry, everything seems to be running very smoothly. As i write, the dying chords of Fluorescent Adolescent ring about the arena, and a final blast from the audience sings out. It's brilliant to be supporting a band whose songs we not only love, but whose lyrics we know off by heart, and to add to all this they are actually very friendly,down to earth folk. At this early stage in the tour there is very little to report,although one secret i feel compelled to share with you is this: "Kai's Lemon Delight"
Before you're mind starts running wild with all manner of blasphemous images, Kai and an innocent lemon being the main protagonists, let me tell you that this secret isn't even mildly pornographic. Sorry. It's a drink. A very simple one....and you will love it. Splash two shots of disaronno in a glass, throw casually a handful of ice into the mellee, find to hand a sharp and servile knife and then cut a lemon in two. Grip this lemon firmly in one palm and squeeze. SQUEEZE like a women squeezes the hand of her beloved whilst in labour, SQUEEZE as if pushing through the crowd to the front of your favourite bands gig, SQUEEZE like you've had a difficult dinner of sea food at a soho restaurant and now find yourself in the lavatory. And then stir. This my dear cyber friends is "Kai's Lemon Delight" and its here for your enjoyment. Remember one or two will do the trick, get you feeling like the super heroes you really are.

So thats it for tour tales part 1. Obviously i've totally exaggerated and fabricated when it comes to painting a picture that could be described as anything near the truth, but thats creative license... and anyway, touring is a huge unstoppable cyclone of rumours, truths, noise and fast foods.
I'll be back soon to fill the ether net with more non-sense that no-one needs apart from maybe myself, and until then....i wish you the sweetest of dreams. Kai's calling me from the liquor cabinet.